She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
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