Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
