P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
