He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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