Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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