I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
