Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
he thought i was a dude.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I intend to get homeless drunk
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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