My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I puked a lego.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
