hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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