When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
