hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
