I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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