Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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