i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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