Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
