Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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