Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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