I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
