I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
