shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
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