So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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