Princesses don't give blow jobs
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
