I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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