we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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