my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
not ubering you a puppy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
