I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
My hand turned me down
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
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