i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
