Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Randomize