i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
