the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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