you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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