Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
