I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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