saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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