I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
if i died would you start the facebook group?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I think a kid would responsible me up
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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