I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
