he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
