he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
tell your sister to shave her snatch
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
