i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
