This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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