At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Sex on roller skates
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"