Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.