So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
