i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth