When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
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finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
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Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl