forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible