in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
