One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
