The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
