ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
