Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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