Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Randomize