I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
