i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
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you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
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You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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