I seem to have left my pride at pride
fuck your aforementioned shoe
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
