my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
