This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
