I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
