Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
God I need to hump something, right now.
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