it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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