I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
