You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
