i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
