If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
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