No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
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