Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
