I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
