i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
