sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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