im gay
i know
yea but for you.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
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