It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
