one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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