there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
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weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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