Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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