hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
My balls are so social today.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
