..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
