that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
