Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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