I only kidnapped one of them. chill
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
