we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
